Speaker 1 0:06
I don't know about you, but I am super excited to start another podcast. It's been a minute.
Unknown Speaker 0:11
It has, it's been a long minute for me as well, too.
Speaker 1 0:14
It's been over a year for me, since my leaving religion podcast.
Speaker 2 0:19
The cool thing is, is you actually had your own podcast, and I was just been guests on people's podcast. So this is really exciting to be a part of real podcast. So we're super excited.
Speaker 1 0:31
You may or may not notice we'll do voices here and there, because we're a little dorky. But we love our voices like why me? Don't know. That's a good one. And besides the voices, I think we are both very passionate, and have had beautiful experiences around embodiment. And so this, this podcast is going to be like a vast array of different experiences, from our busy local experiences with embodiment, to spiritual experiences, to medicine journeys to Jesus to Mary Magdalene to like, what I like so
Unknown Speaker 1:08
many Galactic Council, all the thing, all the things that I had no idea about a year ago that even existed. But
Speaker 1 1:17
But the kicker has been, I think, for both you and I have the importance of coming home to the physical body in a way that allows to harness the energetics. Would you agree? Yeah.
Speaker 2 1:27
I mean, it's super important to know that it's all things are combined Mind Body Soul, right. And everybody always talks about it be aligned, and all that stuff. But one cannot work without the other and be able to have all that into the book, the body is the one who harnesses the law, right?
Speaker 1 1:42
The body is the key it is the vessel in which we move through the world. Exactly. So it's like you don't know that. If you're at war with the body, or you don't like what you see in the mirror, or you are abusing it with your thoughts or with your actions, you're not going to be in alignment anywhere else in your life. And then people i i feel like i always get people all the time that are asking, I just want to harness my gifts, I want to open my gifts, I want to know what my purpose is. And it's like, well, if you can't show up for yourself in a physical way, every day that's supportive to just the physical anatomy, then why would you, you wouldn't be shown your full purpose because you can't even you can't even get in alignment with the physical body, what makes you think you're gonna get in alignment with the soul's purpose? Well, 100%
Speaker 2 2:22
mean, my thing is, is your body is speaking to you on a daily basis, hourly basis, minute by minute basis. And if you feel like you're just sick, and if you're not listening, if you're not slowing down in the hustle and bustle of the world, you're not even going to get the answers of the body trying to tell you like, Hey, you're not in alignment, you're not doing what you need to do stop move here, like I've been in relationships were my body's like, no repel. And I'm like, God go deeper. And I was just like, wasn't listening to my body, and I was sick a lot of the times. And so you got to listen to the body and know that, like it's telling you answer. It's giving you the answers that you need. Like we always are seeking people to give us answers. But all the answers are within you know what I mean? And that's, I think that's our biggest thing is, that's what I've learned over the last year is like, everything I needed to know, my body's going to tell me or my soul or my mind, sometimes my mind fucks with me, but I mean, that's another story. We'll, we'll
Speaker 1 3:16
tackle that one in some other episodes. But that is that is something that I think, is a lot of the things I feel like I talked about, or we talked about a really cliche, you know, like the self love and the personal development, the showing up for yourself, and the body is talking to you, and to what you're saying we do constantly look outside of us, okay, what's God trying to tell me? Or the holy ghost or spirit or my, or my spirit guides or my angels? And it's like, well, actually, what if you were to flip that script and understand that your body has wisdom, wisdom beyond anything you could even fathom. And your brain? I mean, with topic, you know, when we tap into the subconscious, it's crazy, what's hanging out in there, but our body is holding so much wisdom and so much trauma, so much, so many deep pieces that it's just asking, too, it's sitting here trying to protect us and trying to hold us through this life that we get to go through. And it's doing a pretty damn good job. And we usually don't validate it. We don't sit there and give it and respond to it in the way that it's asking.
Speaker 2 4:18
I mean, that's, I mean, I think you know, that is like the self love showing up for yourself, making sure that you're doing that stalking those wins, and like making sure that you're doing the things that are necessary because if you're speaking negative, negative things will happen. I mean, it's the law of attraction, whatever you speak about will come about right. And I think that's the important thing is is when you're actually speaking kind things to your body and you're seeing grateful for your body. Like for me for the longest time I've had three hip replacements at a young age and I've had a young disease when I was a child and my thing is is like I always thought my hip was a hindrance. And now as I've come back through this next last year, I'm like thank you for the gifts that you've given me think Graham gratitude for what you've done for me and it's just showing thanks for And then I've seen the change in my body when I actually was like being grateful for it, I extending self love to the ankles, to the knees to all the aspects of it. And it was just, it's a really cool undertaking to be able to give gratitude and self love and all this stuff to your body. And not just to, like, oh, I look good today, like you look good. But like your body, like inside and out needs to look good. Because whatever you put on the inside, whatever you put on, put in to the inside is going to reflect your outside as well.
Speaker 1 5:30
Well, let's dive into a little bit of your story if you want to share because I know we're not necessarily talking about the past. And I, I feel like this is always a tricky dynamic, because part of our past is what has created who we are currently. Yeah. And we don't want to live in the past. And yet you have wisdom from the experiences that you've gone through. So you talked about your hip replacements, and, you know, obviously, I know some of your personal story, but we'll but I wonder, yeah, will you dive into some of that and kind of where you were at and your life? I mean, there's so many different pieces that we can touch on through many, many episodes. But since we're talking about the physical body, and when I'm more curious to have you share that flipping that turning point from when you are somewhat in abuse to the body, to when it's like something has to change. Yeah,
Speaker 2 6:20
no. So I mean, I always relate my story a little bit to the movie, Forrest Gump. I had braces on my legs when I was little from kindergarten to second grade. And I always tried to run as fast as I could to get those braces off, but they never broke off. I was born with a hip disease called Lake apathy. So not enough blood supply grew into the femoral head. And so it would slip out of socket. And so one Halloween night, my parents saw me just face planet and I'm like, Yeah, this is not right. Something's wrong with our child. He's a little bit too athletic just to be falling facedown. So I get diagnosed, and they put the braces on and I go through life. I mean, kind of just having like that chip on my shoulder like, man, something's different with me. Dang it. Like this sucks. Like, what? What, uh, what did I do to deserve this, or I never let it really get me down. I still played sports. I with the braces on I still went to football camp with the braces on I still roller skated, got on my bike, jumped on that thing. And I just continued to be that normal kid, because I had the mentality nothing was gonna stop me. And so as I progressed throughout life, and throughout my childhood, and just kept on going, then I'm sure I served warm and mission in Finland. And it was negative 40 degrees cobblestone streets just cold as cold. And
Speaker 1 7:33
I'd be out after two days and negative 40 degrees like hell, no,
Speaker 2 7:37
it was so cool. But it was like super fun being out in the new country learning a language. And like it gave me a cool foundation be able to get there, but my hip was killing me. And so I'm like, Man, I can't do this. I can't walk 1415 miles a day, like I gotta go back home. And so I came back home and they diagnosed me like, Hey, your hip cartilage is gone. Like we need to give you a hip replacement. And so it gave me a hip replacement. It failed after 18 months. And so I went in for another one.
Speaker 1 8:05
So how old were you with the first hip reverse hip replacement? I
Speaker 2 8:08
was 22 years old. Okay. I mean, you don't I mean, in the I've been, I've been in the medical industry my whole career. And you usually get a hip replacement when you're 75. Right. I mean, like, good job, you've worn it out. We've made we have to get up at 22 years old, it's unheard of shocking. And so then I had to go get another one. And so I failed. It just didn't take the pain previous was I wish I wouldn't have gotten the surgery because I was in more pain from the surgery. So I don't know. I mean, it was a very rare surgery, it was called a periodicity other osteotomy. That's a mouthful. And they go in and they rotate your femoral head, shave it and put five giant screws and, and so it was supposed to be a preventative for a hip replacement, but it was even more like excruciating than an actual hip replacement. So then I go in for a second one, and what age 18 months later, so it'd be 23 and a half 24. Yeah. And even worse pain. I can't even walk upstairs either. You're supposed to be walking the day of surgery, and I couldn't do anything. And so we found out that my femur was fractured, putting in the stem. So I was walking on a broken hip for about eight, nine months. And just like all my levels, everything's changed my thyroid, HCG testosterone, I had to go to an endocrinologist. I had to figure out like, what is going on and then everybody wanted to give me a shot and my back and like, I want to make like it clear like a surgeon is just giving you information you got trust, like trust yourself first golf intuition golf got because I did because they kept on saying, hey, it's just in your back. Don't worry. I'm like, No, it's my femur. It's right here. Something is wrong with my leg. You need to listen to me. And I think a lot of people think surgeons words is the word or even doctors. Any doctor. Yeah, exactly. I might get second opinions, get third opinions, get fourth opinions. Don't just do the one and be able to go through it. And so then I finally figured out that it was fractured. And then I had to go in for a third replacement and do a revision, drill past the fracture site, cable it up and get get that third replacement. And it was three replacements within four years. Wow. And it was young age 22 to 26. And it was it was a very dark time in my life. I and I was in surgery covering hip replacements and knee replacements. So it's like, How ironic is this. And then I was traveling a lot for work. And I was not taking care of the body in this sense, like I was working out and I had big muscles. And but that wasn't I mean, I wasn't taking care of the inside. I didn't care what I was putting in. I was taking stuff to get me up, I would take Adderall, and I had to be up and then I had to take something to get me down because my hips were hurting. And then I had to take something I had to take something for something, something to get me up something get me down something get me to sleeping. I didn't care what it was. I just needed to use that energy and utilize to be able to get my job done.
Unknown Speaker 11:18
How long did you do that for years? Yeah.
Speaker 2 11:21
And that's it. That sad thing was like I didn't comment. It's common. So common when you're in a high stress, high environment high strung like you don't care, you just have to perform or you'll drop the ball or whatnot. And I wasn't sleeping at night, like I wasn't a lot of pain. And my thing is, is like I would do anything just to get a couple hours of sleep. And so if I woke up irritated, popped in Adderall give me six hours of energy. But it also when I started coming down, I said super irritating because I didn't eat food, you're not eating on Adderall, you're not and the body needs energy. body needs food. I mean, food is medicine, right. And I was taking medicine to fuel the body, which is chemicals and it wasn't working for me. I'm like this, this something's got to change because I almost went in for a fourth hip replacement because my left leg was just on fire again. So I started looking into getting a fourth hip replacement. And then I'm like, something's got to change. There's something out there. There's something I got to do. There's something and I've heard of a medicine called ayahuasca and Mother I am mother I did she deliver. And so I booked a trip to Costa Rica. And it was life changing. For me. It was something that was out of a movie that I just thought. But the funny thing is the first night I tried to Iowa, nothing happened. And I guess like you're supposed to purge and you've purged out your emotions and the shit that was like supposed to be traumatic and all this stuff. And I did do that. But I had grandioso expectations. I wanted to fly. I wanted to like be able to experience everything that I've heard Ayahuasca does for you. I wanted to dance with the Jaguar and I wanted to do all the fun things that but the cool thing is I learned a very valuable life lesson that night. Stop having expectations because you'll be disappointed every time you do. And I think that was the beauty of me learning that night. The shaman went around and said everybody give me one word that you felt during this amazing night. I was like amazing. What are you talking about? Exactly. And I was the only one that said the negative word and I said I'm disappointed. Like this isn't something I signed up for. And then I was angry and I was sad and I was confused and I just like I thought I finally came to a place where I was going to AB Hilde see magic and they just have an awakening and Epiphany like oh my gosh, like I am on the right path right and so my thing is is that I was just crying and and we got to understand emotions are a purge of energy right and you have to allow it to flow and so I was just bawling like but I didn't know what kind of energy bawling I was like mad angry, sad all these things. And I just wanted to understand what what that was and so then the next night, I'm like, Come What May that was my saying I have no idea what's going to happen what I want to do surrender surrender, trust the process ad I get up and within like 30 minutes like I'm like stretching in touch my toes like doing all the things that you're not after doing medicine Yeah 30 minutes after taking the I like the shaman says go within I guess you're supposed to lay there and like I was like I wasn't laying there. I was touching my toes like doing all the Yoga is a big deal. Yeah, massive. Like I wasn't there yet. I didn't get to I was just like stretching, like getting up moving. And he told me to come sit down and I'm like no, no Is my journey, I need to move the body. And I figured out that like stretching and moving the body allows me to awaken and open up more. And at one point my hip just popped. I'm like, wait, what, and I'm getting the chills is talking about right now because I gave such a massive moment for me. The pain that I have been experiencing since I was five years old, went away. That's huge. Like it was.
Unknown Speaker 15:24
You were how old at this time?
Speaker 2 15:26
I was 33. Wow. Yeah. since five years old, to 33 I've been in chronic pain and anybody listening, knowing that chronic pain, it's debilitating. And to be able to finally be free of that pain. I only thought you could feel yourself physically. That's why I always kept on going through surgeries. That's why I kept on always doing different things. But I didn't know you could heal yourself in the spiritual or the mind or release something. And for that pop. I was like, What the freak, and I was doing every yoga pose possible. And I didn't even know yoga. I was like the new Joga yoga by Gianni and like I was experiencing the shaman it was like, You can't be like we shouldn't be like, Yes, I am. Go away like this is I'm your journey. This is my journey. And the cool thing is, is I didn't I signed up for a yoga retreat, and I've never done yoga. So it was really cool to see the contrast. So the three days that I couldn't do the any of the yoga poses before the Iowa Tosca and then I stepped into the Iowa Nasca. So you went to a yoga retreat before it was it was a yoga Ayahuasca Medicine retreat. And so I didn't know I signed up for the yoga part as this like, I guess my higher self or my, like, I just chose the just new. So it's really cool to be able to see the contrast because I was very frustrated during the yoga sessions. I'm like, I the freak, did I choose yoga, I can't do yoga. And then bam, Mother, I showed me the way and I did dance with the Jaguar. She came in all these different views, colors, and she, I mean, I saw where the heavens open like I saw all the geometrical sacred shapes. So it was a really cool, it was a jaguar. Multicolored. Was it well, there's all the chakras. It was beautiful. It was. And the inside was white. So it's my white Jaguar. I love that. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 17:26
That's amazing. Yeah. And now it's a year later ish. Yeah,
Speaker 2 17:30
exactly. No, a year. Yeah. Yeah. I know, Oscar a year ago, this December. It started a whole awakening. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. But I was so just excited about life because I had a new take on life, a new lease on life. And it was just a beautiful thing to know that I wasn't in pain. But I had to start doing the work. And
Speaker 1 18:01
let's talk about what you mean by the work. Yeah. I
Speaker 2 18:05
had to learn to go to do yoga, and I did yoga religiously, and I had to move my body. I had to learn breath work. Because breath work is super important. People don't understand. Breathe in the good stuff. Exhale the bullshit, like breathe in, breathe out. Like it's a massive thing. And I had to learn how to use that and be able to create new pathways in my life. And I started taking mushrooms and I started doing hero's journeys. And I started re calculating, recreating new neural pathways and the left side of the brain and I started hiking and being in nature and I started learning energetics. I started learning how to maneuver or how to manipulate energy, in a sense, not manipulate opponent. Yeah, and bring it in together. And I learned how to I mean, I started diving into spiritual books, learning more about Jesus. Like, at one point, though, I like thought everything was not true. And like I blew up everything, and I like left religion, and I left. And I'm like, There's there a God and I all had those things. But then I came back and was like, I believe, of course, there's a God Creator. There's a great source, there's a higher being. I mean, come on, look at what's created here. And everything is just so beautiful, right? And so then I kept on doing the things that like were fueling the body, mind, body spirit, like I was reading things. So intellectually, it was stimulating my brain. I was doing things with the body being out in nature, and being able to hone in the energy of nature. And then I was doing yoga breath work, and it was all these beautiful things. And then medicine. I mean, I've had some very incredible journeys on the medicine and they've taught me a
Unknown Speaker 19:44
lot, that's for sure. Another a whole other episode.
Speaker 2 19:48
craziest, most intense journeys that you'll ever hear. And it was all lessons. And I've learned that like I think a lot of us at times throughout life as we become and victims, you taught me this. I mean, it's the triangle is like, stay away from being the victim like you chosen to this, this is something you wanted to know, this is something that you wanted to learn. So what did you learn from it? And what did you co create it exactly. And I think that was the beauty. But like, each and every day I showed up for myself, I showed up like, I'm going to yoga, today I'm going hiking, I'm going to do the things that I need to do to be able to move the body. And my body responds so viscerally to things very, very viscerally. Like, if I'm moving energy, I'll throw up. If I'm moving some other stuff, I'll go to the bathroom a lot. And if I'll start sweating, because there's only a different way that it's going to come out like and it's cool thing is, is like when I'm not aligned anymore, now, my body will heat up and I'll start burping. And I'm like cave, this is not something I want to be a part of. And all the other times I would just ignore it. And then my stomach would balloon and I would have to go to the ER because I wasn't listening. But
Speaker 1 20:58
so just to clarify, when you say when you're not in alignment, whether it's with a person or situation or conversation, that's what you're talking. Absolutely,
Speaker 2 21:05
it's all things because now that I know that I'm on my dharma, or my soul's purpose, there's no way that I'm getting off of it now. And there's no way my body will allow me to get off my my soul's purpose, my dharma my alignment. And so whenever it's not aligned to me, business wise, relationship wise, religion wise, anything now my body reacts to it. Like it's, I'm I'm learning, how do you use my body a little bit differently and have a different relationship. But right now, my body gives me information through pain, because that's all I've ever known.
Speaker 1 21:38
Well, one of my favorite sayings is that pain pushes until the soul calls. Yeah, and it does get our we just talked about this earlier this morning money and your body like health things will get your attention the fastest. Because they're both the survival instinct. Like if I don't have money, I can't pay for food and rent and whatever it is, if I am in pain, like you were in chronic pain, it's freaking miserable.
Speaker 2 22:02
It's not fun is the one of the worst things to be a part of. But it also it motivated me though at the same time, it pushes it, like you said, it pushes to the sole causes, but like, many times, I would say I'll show to you, even if I'm on pain, I'm gonna go cover three hip replacements from three different rooms and run, even though I'm the one and really much pain and like, it just drove me and I'm grateful for the drive because I don't think I would be here today without the drive of my hips, or the pain that it's caused. Because I always wanted to prove to myself, but now, I don't need to prove anything, I can just be seen and be known who I am and be okay with it like I am who I am. And I think that's the beauty of that now is I always felt like I had to be seen in different ways because I always had to prove something wrong or have a chip on my shoulder. Which
Speaker 1 22:53
is interesting. And do you think that that is part of the masculine wiring? 100%
Speaker 2 22:57
I think that's what we all want to be able to be seen. pushed through the pain, no pain, no gain Exactly. And not be vulnerable or not have any kind of emotions, told because as men, we're told not to show our emotions. We're not like, my dad. I didn't my Dad, I've never seen my dad cry emotionally. I've never seen my dad, my dad one time. Yeah. But like, We're men, we're not supposed to be able to have emotions and to show vulnerability or be sad or cry or lean on somebody or lean on the feminine and be able to say, Hey, I got you. And it's it's, it's been tough. And I think that's what drove me as well too. But over the last year, I could really able to open up and be more vulnerable. It's been good. And then sometimes the vulnerability has taken me like oh shit, I shouldn't have been that open. Right. But I think it's taught me a lot of lessons to who to trust and who to open up to. And also like, learn how to open up. And I think we need to be able to be more as men just open up and have places to talk. And I love how I mean what we're going to be able to create as a group for men to be able to share and be able to have that what you've done for embody with women have been incredible. And I think there needs to be more out there for the men because we've been all taught to be I mean, it's example it's generations. It's like third father and then their dad like their dad like they didn't show anything and my dad never heard I love you from his dad. And so he said he was going to change it for us so so we did a couple of times and with me I tell my kids every second I can I love them and maybe it's too much but like I do have a lot of love and so I want to be able to share that. Yeah, one
Speaker 1 24:38
thing too that I that I'm hearing and that I know especially from from you is that it's you have cultivated safety within the self. And so then it is like yes, you've had the external mirrors or the external x x exploration of what's safe, what's not safe, but all the while you're cultivating this trust and safety within and I think that's one of the biggest keys with anything we go through. ruin life when you're talking about the triangle, and not being the victim It is everything is showing up for us to cultivate safety, trust, love within the self. And I do think it's an interesting as you're talking and what I'm hearing is that part of the pain, like, I can still move, move through it. And I'm still going and I'm still got to go. And that is I feel like a very masculine construct, and women hold this, this too, but it's obviously mostly men, I've got to provide, I've got to show up, I've got to be the man, I've got to make sure that my family is taken care of. And I'll push through anything. And all the while you're sacrificing yourself, you're becoming more of a shell, you're getting burned out, you're in constant pain. So then your emotional self is actually not even available. There's no space for it to be felt or seen or witnessed. And then you're going through the motions, you're a robot. And most people do that. Most men do that. And a lot of women do as well. It's not to negate one or the other. But it is an interesting construct that we are as a society, I believe asking to heal and asking you to come into more balance, and more in it, which is a shamanic term, and being more in right relationship with yourself so that we are following more of the souls call. But it does come through the body first.
Speaker 2 26:15
I mean, that I mean, you just know that it is the body. I mean, you have to start somewhere and everyone wants to start in the spiritual, easier, the spiritual, unbelievable. I would say you guys stop. No, it's not easier in the spiritual that energetics I mean, I've had to learn it, but you have to learn it in the body. And then you can be able to go to the next steps and the next steps. And I think that's what it is, it's step by step. And what you don't know is what you don't know sometimes though, like, with me, I didn't know that I had to heal the body. And so I kept on doing mushroom journeys and mushroom journeys. And then finally I did ayahuasca and I'm like, then my higher self punched me in the face is like, you need to fix the body. Like your body has been screaming at you for all these years, and you're not listening your shell. And that's why I wasn't been able to listen to my body because I was out of my body.
Speaker 1 27:07
And yeah, you had experiences where your body was screaming at you like that you've shared and with your relationships, the way that it was getting sick, and it was like you were still pushing through because your family was encouraging you to or, and I don't want to put words in your mouth. But the irony is, is your body was showing up for you the entire time. You just weren't listening.
Speaker 2 27:27
Or I didn't know how Yeah, 100% I just thought I was sick. I just thought my stomach was bloating. I just thought I would have mad migraines. Like the thing is, is like we're never taught how to be able to know what the body pain in each different area is right? Like I always ask him like, hey, Amanda, my right side I Yeah, where's the right side of my temple is really hurting? What does that really mean spiritually? And, like the thing is, is like if you're going against the things that you're not aligned with, you're going to get sick for the most part, or some pain or some just something different. Like it's going to be like little sharp daggers or I don't know, but like I burp a lot, right. I burp a lot will over. But I didn't know how to interpret it. And that's the sad thing is like, a lot of people are shells other body and they're not interpreting. I mean, I got COVID Four times, you didn't get it at all. And I think I was just taking on it because I didn't know any better. And now I know like I will never get sick. I am never I'm putting a shield and energy block out there that I won't do it. But the body is key the body is the answer to all these, these amazing vessels that we've created for ourselves, these avatars are insane, they're perfect. They're they will respond the way we treat them and they will heal the way I like it's like the movie Wolverine, you know, fasci Hills, like we can do that maybe I don't know as fast but we're heal our bodies Exactly. Or Lucy 100%. Even Jesus,
Speaker 1 29:00
you know, you had the ability to heal others. And there's so many different dynamics that and this is a podcast episode for another day, we have so many things we're gonna talk about. But this piece that when we I want to circle back on when we were touching about, you know, the spiritual path people are like, I want to go on the spiritual path. I want to just go figure out what my purpose is. I want to open all my gifts. And it is if you want to go do that, great, go do that good luck. It will be extremely difficult if you have not learned how to hone the body and that is probably one of the biggest things in my man. It's been over 15 years that I've dove into this arena. Yeah, and it wasn't until probably the last two years where it was shown very clearly to me the body you have to hone and master the body first. And so that's why I'm so passionate about it. I want to hear your
Speaker 2 29:48
story but what came to that why did it push you to finally
Speaker 1 29:51
Can we do another episode? Do this one as an hour long. That's the kicker.
Speaker 2 29:55
I mean, we got all the time we could upload videos we can do it All
Speaker 1 30:00
the things we want to do. Oh, man, that's the thing. My story is so different than yours. Mine actually started more with being in rejection to my body at a very young age because my, as a woman as a girl I was I was a little bit more athletic. My mom was this petite thing and never had to really work out or exercise until she had babies. And so we my sister, and I got shamed a lot. And my mom didn't know any better. It's just like, this is her knowing and it's no, you know, I don't blame her. But there was a lot of body shaming, and a lot of I remember she would tell this story about my sister and I, and she was like, Yeah, I put you in little ballerina dance, and all the little girls would come up so cute and little, and their little tutus, and then here come my girls and my sister and I are both like, Mom serious, like so I always had this body complex, even through high school and dating, like I was always super self conscious of my legs, especially because I always had very athletic, I played volleyball, I was more athletic and I was a tomboy growing up like I just that was just my part. I was never this petite little dainty, girly, know how to do my hair and work. I didn't wear makeup till I was 1617. Like, that's just kind of how I was
Unknown Speaker 31:10
and then makeup by the way, so it's okay.
Speaker 1 31:14
And then, you know, I go through, then I hit the emotional piece at 19 misdiagnosed as being bipolar. And so then I'm now now I'm in rejection of the physical body and in like, not total alignment there. That's not good enough, I'm not good enough. And then now my emotions are also I'm somewhat a prisoner to like there's something wrong with me here. So there was a lot of things through a very young age that I was somewhat in war with and never okay to fully be. Me fully be seen. I didn't even know who the hell I was. That was partly why I was diagnosed as bipolar. I had a therapist told me once that she caught it looking in the mirror syndrome, which is a fascinating piece. And when you google this, there's a lot of different definitions in the psychiatric world, but the way that she was explaining it to me was, especially in adolescence, 1920 21 when you're figuring out who you are, especially growing up in a very high I was Mormon growing up I was raised in Utah County. I'm looking in the mirror and I'm seeing
Unknown Speaker 32:15
there is Mormonism. By the way if the church Jesus
Speaker 1 32:18
Christ of Latter Day Saints is a Christianity blah, blah, blah. Know Mormonism most people know Yeah, monism is at this point.
Speaker 1 32:34
But she, yeah, growing up religious, and I was very Mormon. That's the thing.
Speaker 2 32:41
I mean, my dad was high up in the church sake, presidency, mission president. I mean, we read scriptures every morning before high
Speaker 1 32:48
school, my family was different. We were all Mormon, but my dad was the dad that we went up to the pulpit and talked about how service is selfish and would say hello from the pulpit. And I loved my dad that he was a little bit, the one that kind of pushed the grain and he was very well spoken and very intelligent. And I didn't do seminary, because it was one of those. So I was Mormon, like, I loved it, but I did it my way.
Speaker 2 33:09
That's the beauty of that. I mean, my family, my dad was a convert, he was from the Bronx, and like hardcore Italian Mafia, I mean, and so that he swung on a pendulum, like, he went from one extreme to the next extreme, his extreme into us. And I'm like, this doesn't sit well for me. And I mean, it's that well for my siblings, and it's doing great for them. But it didn't sit well for me. And I wanted to move away from it because it was very, extremely
Speaker 1 33:39
well, and that was so she's, you know, looking in the mirror syndrome, you see the reflection of who you're told to see told to see, you know, at a 19 year old girl and I should be focusing on is especially for my family, getting my education and getting married. And so and being the Mormon, whatever, and then you see the reflection of who you're starting to see. And it really it bounces. And so this is what she because I had you know as misdiagnosed, but I carried that label for a little while and then I shut off a huge part of me when I went into my first marriage. But then I got more in touch with the body I would do cleanses I was going to get my integrative holistic nutrition degree and then my dad gets sick with cancer speaking of like the he was, he kept feeling like something was wrong. And he kept going in and saying something's not right. Something's not right. And the doctors are like, Look, everything is fine. I think if I remember he had a, he had to get like his gallbladder something removed. I can't remember what it was. And he said to us, it was Dr. Allen at the time. He's like, No, something is still off. You need to run tests. So he listened to his body and then that's when he found out he had leukemia. But it was him it wasn't the doctors like yeah, this is just post recovery from he's like, No, something else is wrong. Exactly.
Speaker 2 34:50
Same kind of story that I had, right. I felt like something was wrong and yeah, listens and then like, persistent. Yeah.
Speaker 1 34:56
And that is huge. That is important to listen to that internal now navigation. So yeah, went through a lot of different dynamics. And then you know, married divorce, married an old married an old divorce been through some just, you know, life teaches us through personal experience, like, the best learning we're ever going to have is by actually experiencing something. It's not reading something. It's not sitting in front of a lecture, and having someone tell you all these amazing things, it's actually through experience. And my school of life has been a fucker, and really, really beautiful. Yeah. And in that, you know, because I had worked through all these body pieces I was, I had a clothing company, I ran an own for over 1011 years. And as I was I stepped out of religion, I was diving more into Who am I what do I want in my life, who was God because God died, like you were talking about everything and associated to God died, which was everything my entire world found, stepped into some different modalities. And they didn't make sense, because I'm running a clothing business. And then I feel called to become a shamanic practitioner, my gifts are coming more online. And long story short, because I feel like I've shared this story all the time. And I ended up getting a call like the inspiration, it's time to close your doors, it's time to go into what you're really here to do. So in all of that, I, you know, it's funny, it's like all these things actually have to do with the body because the body is moving through all these experiences. And when I was in my last marriage, he he was with me when I shut down my business, and he had worked with me. And it was a hard decision because I made it but it affected our family, it affected him and our family. And so shutting that and making that decision was really challenging. And I was kind of trying to figure out again, who I was like, What do I want to do, I started doing retreats, I became a shamanic practitioner than an NLP practitioner, which is Neuro Linguistic Programming. For those that aren't familiar, and I resisted starting a new business, like I was kind of in the I call it the hobby business. Because closing my doors felt like a failure for me when I had mod Bong. And, and then through that experience, I started having issues where I thought I had they thought I had cancer. And I had it was called a sex cord tumor, which that was in my uterus. I know it was she was such I'm like a sixth chord to her what the hell is that? And it didn't like I didn't have I don't have a DNA or like, like, my lineage like I don't have we don't have issues with cancer in the female parts. And yeah, so it's like, what sex cord tumor? Yeah, in my uterus, which is extremely rare. Okay. So I end up getting a hysterectomy because I was bleeding nonstop, they pull out this gnarly tumor and you know, it was really well that's a segue maybe I'll not Alright, I'm gonna tell the story really quick. So I'm learning how to become a psychic all during this this time you know my energetic gifts are coming on more and more I'm a shaman. I'm all sorts of things I'm turning on my psychic abilities. And in it being a psychic, you kind of have these boundaries and boundaries with when spirits can come in. And when they can't, otherwise, you're getting opening
Unknown Speaker 38:13
open hours. And
Speaker 1 38:19
this is the thing with, with spirituality with gifts, like people want to open them up, but sometimes you open them up and it's like, holy shit. Can we close them now? Trust me, right? I know. So I had my open hours, my close hours when I was in session, your I'm open for business when I'm not in session. It is a no like I'm this close. And this is these are my boundaries and boundaries and with God with spirit with personal boundaries with people like they are huge and critical to all the pieces are talking about. But I did give a caveat. I said however, if I am the only conduit in which somehow I'm I'm having a conversation with someone and I'm the only conduit that's available. I am open. So I was trying to find a gynecologist to try and get into and everybody's booked out forever, and I am bleeding nonstop. So I get into a PA and I go in and I sit with her and the minute I sit down my ears start ringing so loud, I can't even hear her.
Speaker 2 39:15
And at this time, you're probably closed for business. No, I gave the
Speaker 1 39:19
caveat. Okay, so I'm like shit. And I'm like, this is one of those things that you're like crap. How do I handle this? And for those of you who have had your spiritual gifts up and you know these moments where you're like, motherfucker, I'm going to sound like a total wackadoodle like, so I say I let her kind of finish her little spiel and I'm like, I am so sorry. This is gonna sound really odd. But I'm into energetics and spirituality and I'm I'm a psychic and I hear and see spirits and I haven't heard a word you said because there is I said it has somebody close to you died. And she's like, you know, all of a sudden the conversation takes a total 360 degree and she's like, actually yes, my mother Ah, and all this start stuff starts coming through. And it ends up being this really beautiful moment. And it's something that she needed to hear. And it was some healing pieces with her, her family line in the feminine. But what was beautiful about that moment of me being able to be open to that experience and not be pissed off, because there's a part of me that was kind of angry at
Speaker 2 40:19
first need to go in for yourself, and you're trying to heal yourself at that moment, but me
Speaker 1 40:23
showing up in love for this woman and for this energetics that was trying to come through then allowed for us to have more of a, an intimate bond to when she found out the test results. She was July 3, everything was closed. And she texted me she's like, You need to get into an oncologist immediately. And she was very, like she was now personally invested in my healing journey. And, and so
Speaker 2 40:46
what I want to go back to just now is what you said, as it was a very personal relationship, like you were able to show up for her. And so with me and people going into the energetic spaces, I think you and I talked about this yesterday, we keep saying what is mine is mine, what is yours is yours. But why don't we show up in a different way, like we show you love and light. And that's what you were open to and you're showing love and light. And that was able to have that relationship and be able to go a little bit further than just the surface level conversation, like the checks and the boxes and all that stuff. And how beautiful was that, that you were able to give love and light and be able to have her go through that? Instead of like, oh, what's his ringing? What's mine is mine. What's yours is yours. And he could have pushed it off angry? Exactly. Yeah. And I think that's a big lesson that you've taught me is like you show up in love and light. And I think that's beautiful.
Speaker 1 41:32
Well, I think it's something it's something that's really unique about, you know, I've been in the energetics and then the healing path for quite some time. And we are shifting into a place where all of us have never been before. And so even the ways in which I'm doing client work is shifting, which feels really uncomfortable, or the ways in which, okay, we've been having like, yes, we have our personal boundaries. But now it is there is something shifting to being more in oneness of being more in support of each other. And knowing that everything is somewhat a reflection of us. And we do have choice in every moment as to how we're going to show up. We have choice, we're free agency. At any moment, you can choose again, that's the kicker, like we have choices, and anytime you can choose different you're like, I don't really like how I chose that.
Speaker 2 42:24
Well, the cool thing is, is my good friend Lisa Brown, she taught me throughout the day, ask yourself how many times who am I? And if you can be able to ask you are and then you have a different choice, because you're showing up differently. Every 10 minutes, like we were asked what we've been recording for 45 minutes, we're different people now after having this conversation. So who are we? And then are we willing to show up? And is it that choice? And how are we going to show up? Right? I think that's the best part of that aspect. It's always choice. Yeah,
Speaker 1 42:52
oh, choice is huge. It's critical. I mean, it's one of the many pieces but just to kind of wrap up my story so we can wrap up this episode, because we're trying to get to yoga, the yoga the yoga anyway, I yeah, just through some different pieces. And then my my body having that experience led to some different events where my body was trying to communicate some dynamics that were happening in the relationship that I was in that I think I was carrying on things that weren't mine at all, it was also healing some pieces in my lineage and my feminine line and as I went through all that then went through another divorce because of some infidelity on his part and just some parts where we were no longer in alignment, which was beautiful is like great. Okay, thank you. Let's go on next. Thank you Next that sounds really really shallow, but that's another conversation for another time. And as I was diving again into Okay, I'm ready to start a business I could fill the edge I'm an entrepreneur by My Spirit and business is not easy, but I was feeling the itch and it's like all right, let's go again. Yeah. And sitting down with my smart goals. That's an NLP process. You go through all six areas of life you kind of put in the goals and then you ask the subconscious what's the one area that if I focus mainly only on that one area is my domino to getting everything else
Unknown Speaker 44:12
and you're wishing him betting that it was business Yep.
Unknown Speaker 44:15
Business spirituality. That's
Unknown Speaker 44:16
what came up your body. Oh,
Speaker 1 44:19
how did you get and so I focused on that make deep dove in that and I did a program and then I dove into something else. And then I and then my divine feminine started waking through. I was going to aesthetic dance and just some different pieces, and I did 75 hard and it was fascinating. I didn't know that I had weight to lose the way that I lost it and the way that I started coming more at home into the body was again these are where we're gonna say cliche things but there's something so beautiful when you have a love of yourself that is indescribable. When you look yourself in the mirror and you're like, This is my this is my body like what What? And you know that you show up for yourself no matter what, even when it's hard, even when you don't want to you show up, your boundaries to yourself are being upheld, you're stacking wins like it is. And then the things that have started to domino effect have been amazing. I landed a TED Talk quicker than I thought I would. I'm in a beautiful relationship that I didn't expect. And the business is starting to just take off. And so it's been and my spirituality of course, like that. Always like, I love that part. Me too. But it hasn't been the domino.
Speaker 2 45:32
Yeah, I think I mean, that's the, that's crucial. I mean, the body has been the domino for all of our things. And I think we always want something. And it's going to show up in different ways, right, and, or different aspects. But my biggest thing is, I mean, it's, I took the year off and went way spiritual, right, just real quick. And I had to put down the business side of things. And I left corporate America a really amazing job that one of the best medical companies in the world and I stopped my consulting, and I dove deep into the body into the spiritual nurse. And I don't think I would have had the time or the capacity to do it. If I didn't jump in and do that full thing. And I came in, I met you and I met your friend, and they said, Let's do a breakthrough, a neuro linguistic programming breakthrough. And I'm like, Okay, I need money back like money has been a struggle for me, I need to have that. But mine was relationships. And it was a relationship with myself first relationship with my body, and how did I show up in that aspect, and then I could be able to have an amazing relationship right across from me. And I could be able to have this amazing relationship with my kids born. But the body showed up for me. And I think what you're doing with embody you is crucial, because people want to skip steps. But we started from the beginning, it's step by step, step by step. And it's been amazing to be able to hone the body and be able to move it forward and be able to then get into the spiritual and then more so into the energetics and, but what holds it all is the vessel right, Bobby,
Speaker 1 47:10
while I'm really you have been out of body for quite some time with going in this spiritual arena. And, and I that will probably be our next episode to dive into. But it has been recently that you have become more in your body. And most people don't realize I just sent out an email about this yesterday, but most people are not fully in their body. Absolutely. Most people are like 85% out of their bodies. So they are in the robotics. They are in the mechanic. They are in the shell. Yeah.
Speaker 2 47:34
I mean, I was I was probably 100% Over the last six months, eight months.
Unknown Speaker 47:40
Definitely we're not. I mean, months ago, there was
Speaker 2 47:45
no three months ago, I wasn't that much. But maybe six months ago, six months ago, I was flying high in the ether. I mean, I was definitely, but the Atlanta Yeah, and the body was allowed to have certain things come in. But I think it was really cool to be able to finally like, oh, like, this is what it's like to have a body and like, this is what it's like to listen to it. And this is what it's like, yeah, it's amazing. And it's like we take it for granted for sometimes and I think what we put into it and the junk food and like, the chemicals that I was taking and the Adderall and like, I haven't taken any prescription drug in a year. And I know I can heal the body by being able to like take care of it. So the body is key
Speaker 1 48:25
as the frickin key. Yeah, yeah. boom, and boom goes
