Speaker 1 0:04
ohm. This is how we started about vibrational frequency. Okay, I have a funny story you ready? Kind of a Funny Story. I guess we're gonna start out this episode this way. Yes.
Unknown Speaker 0:20
I love funny stories. Well, when I get a laugh, please tell me.
Speaker 1 0:26
If you're gonna laugh sometimes you laugh at my jokes or my things and sometimes you don't. I think it's funny. That's only because when we're talking about the spiritual community, we go into the wilderness. And you know, there's all sorts of those little spooky things out there. And you and I joke around all the time, like, you know, goofing around sound bowls and I love sample this morning, I did a reel about how I'm different, you know, Utah County mom and had somebody comment that next time I need to be doing my palo santo and my sage in the car with your coffee. And I'm like, oh, I need my my shaman rattle to actually really good. Well, and I think that that's what especially going from religion into spirituality. We take it so serious because everything in religion is so surreal. Then there's like no fun and no plain as fuck that like, and when I first went through the medicine will clear back in 2013 My first teacher who's beautiful, from Germany, and if you know anything about the Germans, which I was married to one lived in Germany, they're very serious. Anyway, so I'm not I am. Well, I back then I was I lost a lot of my playfulness back then. Life was like, holy shit. Yeah. Anyway, so we would go out to the fire ceremony and there was no talking. It was very serious. It was sacred and sacred is serious. Like, oh, shit, okay. And then you kind of like, you get into the sacredness and the seriousness, it's like fuck, what's going to open now and I had this door that was opening up to spirits and it was freaking me out everything was just scaring the shit out. And then it's like a continue in my, my journey. It's like, fuck that when I'm taking my clots right now. And then slide it out. It's like no, spirituality is fun and sacred can be fun and a medicine journey you can be releasing not through tears, but also laughter and play and we forget so much that play is part of healing play is such a huge part of life and fuck this this serious this all the time and and then there's the pendulum swing of nobody taking any you know, now we have the hippies and, you know, like, nothing serious, right? So, you know, let's go in the middle, which kind of leads us into what we're talking about today. Which is actually a really big topic. Yeah,
Speaker 2 2:42
I lived it. I have lived it. I think a lot of people have but a lot of people haven't been able to talk about it lived
Speaker 1 2:47
what the integrity piece within spirituality. This is what we want to talk about today, which is Hegarty,
Speaker 2 2:52
integrity, integrity, you have to understand not everybody has your best interest as your awakening, right? Or as you're going on this journey of life. It's there. I mean, it's in the business aspect. And it's an in the spiritual aspect. And it's in the religion aspect because the religion has their best interest. And they just want you a part of it. Some spiritual leaders want their best interest and want you to be part of their cold or something along the lines and then business aspects. So it's like what's have integrity in all things? Banana, banana, banana, you're gonna sneeze? There we go. Let me go.
Unknown Speaker 3:31
Kasim, I Oh, David.
Speaker 2 3:35
So I love this part. It's huge. I mean, just because in the last year, I've lived it.
Speaker 1 3:41
Well, this, this is a topic to that. I mean, I, we could probably talk for hours on so it'll be interesting to keep this somewhat concise. Or do this a multi part episode. But integrity, and I liked that you spoke in general, most people were not taught integrity or what what that means. But really, when it comes down to Integrity at the core level is how honest Are you being not only with yourself, especially with yourself, but with others. And most people have an agenda as far as why they're wanting something and in the spiritual community. It's ironic because we go from the physical like, we're just moving through life and we're trying to obtain some sort of power through money through status through things through idols, yeah, whatever. You're climbing as far as the hierarchical ladder. And then you move into the spiritual community and you don't realize that you're taking the same principles, but you're now moving over into the spiritual community and you're still trying to have power. Yeah, you're still trying to be seen and sometimes, especially with spiritual leaders, or healers or facilitators, they have a tendency often I hate doing casting a wide net, but I'm going to cast a wide net a lot of times, people go into that space thinking I have all these gifts. I know I know how to helps you. And actually by helping you and putting hooks in you, and we'll talk about hooks in a minute. Yeah, putting hooks in you, you'll make, you'll then will need me, you'll pay me or you'll give me some of your power or some of whatever you were. And then I feel more powerful, and I feel more scenes and now I'm validated because I'm helping you. But then I've now created a codependent relationship. And I'm siphoning off either money or power energetics from you. And I'm creating this whole dynamic that is not healthy.
Speaker 2 5:28
No, I mean, I have lived that. And I have been a part of that since day one, I started this journey and happened in Costa Rica with the shaman out there. But I feel like it's, it's you've got to be able to know that like healers are there just to hold space for yourself to be able to heal, you open yourself to heal yourself. So you got to start stop looking on the outside and looking for that one main person, that one main healer, that one main leader, or that person to be able to that person is going to heal me. And that's what my biggest issue was, I thought I needed to be healed by somebody else. And that's when I started seeking and looking. And I just finally found that I needed to point everything back to myself and heal myself first. And then yeah, you can go out and have that exchange with other people. And then you'll be able to have your eyes more wide open. Like that's a trap. That's a hard No, those are classes, and they're all lessons either. It can be harder lessons are easier lessons, it depends on yourself, you know,
Speaker 1 6:24
well, a true guru. And this is not super widely known. But a true guru is someone who points you back to yourself. Yes. So I like that you said that somebody is holding space, but they're holding space as a reflection to helping you awaken to these parts of you that are already hanging out there. Just get to hold space, or whoever it is gets to hold space to point you back to you and help remove the layers, remove the limiting beliefs, remove the trauma that stored in the body and point you back to yourself. So anytime this is I would say this is probably the number one thing as you're stepping into spirituality, especially if you've left religion, we're so conditioned within religion to put our faith on someone else or be the third party in the Godhead. And if you if you will, with okay, I need somebody else to actually get the direct answers because I can't get it for myself, because I'm a natural man. Whatever, whatever the beliefs are, that
Speaker 2 7:15
there is steps or layers to be able to get to there you you pray, you can talk to your ecclesiastical leader, and then your leader can go to the prophet and the prophet gets the answers for you. And then it comes back. And then this is what you need to do. Yeah.
Speaker 1 7:27
And you're not worthy. himself. Yeah. And so that's something that even though you may not believe it, or we don't believe it, we step out of religion, you still carry traces and residual pieces of that, as you move into the spiritual Yes, of self healing, self development. So that would be my number one thing of anybody who is not pointing you back to yourself or acts as if they have answers for you. That is your number one, like that should be a red flag.
Speaker 2 7:56
Yeah, my thing is like, and then if they keep saying, I'll teach you, I'll teach you, I'll teach you, I'll help you, I'll help you, I'll help you, but they never do it. It's just gonna be a long ended trap that I wasn't. I mean, I had that. I mean, I'll give you a great example. I went to Costa Rica and do ayahuasca and I was super excited. And you usually, I mean, it's Ayahuasca. As a lot of you who don't know, it's, it's one of the most powerful but it's the plant medicines out there. Mother, I brings you back to yourself and fully into that. And I was on this spiritual journey, just left Mormonism sent in my papers, like completely just disembodied, and I think my signal just went up to the air, like, this person is wide open, like, let's like, whatever he's got, like, let's see what he can do. And he just started like playing with my emotions and my like, my reactions to things. He's like, I'll teach you, I'll teach you how to administer Iosco, you should move here to Costa Rica. And then he started taking all my time, he would text me and call me non stop. And it was an energetic like, like Locke. And I'm like, What is going on? And then he finally said, Hey, I need $3,000 upfront to be able to fund this and then you can move out here and you buy the property and then you do all the marketing and then I'll pay you back. And then I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Like this is completely all benefiting him. But it was also going to benefit me at first, right? Because I did want to learn I was lost. I was like seeking and I think that's our biggest thing is we become a stage one you become like disassociated with so many things that you've ever known. And so you're just looking to grab something as you're as you're in the void. Right? And so I want you to tell us a little bit you said a little things about hooks and chords. What What do you mean by that in integrity space?
Speaker 1 9:40
Well, first I want to speak to I like that that you did, and I have a little bit of a cold that's why you're gonna hear a little sniffles and sneezes and whatnot, but we're recording anyway. Exactly. Um, when you I think it's really important in this space to never and you and I've talked a lot about this not to go into the victim. Yeah, of seeing that. Yes. We did, yes, this shitty thing happened. And I have plenty of stories too. And there was a part of me that was available to that, or they wouldn't have been able to reach in at all. And so it's like, great. Well, now you learned whatever the lessons were from that, that your Higher Self, your soul self, your physical self, wanting to learn to cultivate more of your abilities, more of your strengths, more of your sovereignty of realizing, hey, I don't want this and starting to understand Oh shit, like in the energetic field, in the energetics. They are just as palpable as the physical reality. Yes. And this is just because it's in the unseen world. It doesn't it is. When I let me back up a little bit. When I was first starting to dive into energetics. I had a moment I remember exactly where I was sitting, I was sitting in my office and my bedroom. And I had this moment I was doing something on the computer. And I just had this vision shown to me of everything in the energetics and how I could go in and manipulate the hell out of people if I wanted to. And it scared the crap out of me. And I remember sitting back in my chair going, what is this? And it was that place of Alright, Amanda, you get to sit here and hold what you're learning with integrity, with sovereignty and with the purest intention that you can knowing I am human. Yes. And I'm not perfect. And can I can I navigate forward and always be willing to look at my stuff while I'm assisting other people. And, you know, when we look at energy, in general, all matter is 99.99999% space. And we have quantum mechanics, quantum physics is proving that this is energy, you know, you go down to even string theory and how everything's connected. Everything's all when we talk about the void. I'm gonna, I'm gonna rattle off a few things that while some people are going to be like, What the hell are you talking about? But then you talk about the void where all things and No, no thing exists, that when you're in medicine you go into, and you start seeing
Speaker 2 12:03
on it's not just medicine, you can do it with the breath work. Usually it
Speaker 1 12:07
starts with medicine, yes, but you can access the void. Yeah. But my point to all of that is just because in our physical eyes, we can see a table, we can see a chair, we can see another human being, we know that the only reason why we see what we see is because of the mind creating that thing as real. Exactly. So if my perception shifts, and I understand and I start learning more the energetic realms, energetic anatomy, the energetic ability that's out there, or availability or capacity, the void being one, then that my mind also can create reality, from energetics or the unseen, that I see more with my spiritual eyes.
Speaker 2 12:51
Third Eye, that's powerful. I mean, look, we're looking at a formless world. But also, we're told that a chair is a chair or a table as a table, because we're told that in our mind, but it's actually it's pure energy, right. But it's formed into that thought, because we've been told over society 1000s and 1000s of years, this is this, this is this, this is that, I mean, and that's the cool thing is, is when you get into the energetic space, you can create and you can mold and you can be able to maneuver energy and be able to put it in places where you have I can create actually walls, you can create shields, you can create these beautiful things that you can be able to have for you just through and then you can be able to start seeing it like you said through your spiritual eye and opening that spiritual eye. And, man, when I started opening, I was like, What is going on? I see colors so differently, I see spectrums, I see all these different beautiful things that never would have solved before, but I had to start opening it. Well,
Speaker 1 13:46
and this goes I would say into my number two point of Okay, number one, if anybody is saying that they have the answers for you, and you now are dependent on them for how you move through life, that is a huge red flag, and you need to go find someone else. You need to find someone else that like when I do sessions, I will always do a caveat that says, Look, I channel I hear things, I see things. And when I'm communicating because I'm just trying to be the clearest conduit that I can the hollow bone. It is up to you whether you're choosing that that feels like truth for you, or you're like no, that doesn't resonate. I'm gonna put it off to the side. Yeah, that's always my caveat. Because there is a fine line. There's a very fine line here. My number two point would be if you don't know your physical body and your physical anatomy, do not try to catapult yourself into the spiritual energetic woowoo land. Yeah. We want to how about you tell us why there God? Oh,
Speaker 2 14:43
man. I mean, I started I mean, I didn't even know what I was doing. I just heard mushrooms were going to be this amazing experience and that you could be able to create new neural pathways. And it is true it is and it could help you with childhood trauma. As pain and so I'm like, okay, cool, sorry. Like ask a couple of buddies give me give me some mushrooms. And I they said, Okay, here's different kinds of dosages three grams, five grams, five grams is a hero's journey, you're going way out into the abyss coming back with a great reward and you almost die. And then you come back to the hero and like, that's pretty cool. I mean, Hero's Journey sounds awesome. I mean, I'm gonna try that. So my first time I did seven grams of mushrooms. I mean, I didn't even know what I was doing. But it opened up the world to me like it was insane. Like the energetics I saw, like saw sound and heard color and like all the lights, and everybody was like talking to me and like, Hey, welcome back. It's
Unknown Speaker 15:45
so great to have everybody like in the spiritual in the spiritual realm,
Speaker 2 15:47
like around me, like there were beings and like there were entity, not entities, it would be like it was like my spirit guides. And it was, like I said, that's a whole nother story. And I saw I could wield the the energy in the space, and my left hand was just moving things around, and I could shut the doors, and I could turn off the lights. And then it was it was powerful, but I didn't know what I was doing at all. I had no idea. And then I started jumping into it every other weekend, keep on doing journeys, journeys, journeys, I wasn't integrating, integrating anything. And I'm like, Okay, I feel so disconnected from the world. I feel so not connected to my body, I feel like I'm not even in my body. And then that's why I had a lot of crazy experiences. And where I was able to be a hollow shell, and let lower frequency vibrations come into my space and like almost kind of demand my body and like wanted to use it. And I mean, I had to learn how to like, be the sovereign of my body be the king of my body, like no, this is my this is my vessel I chose that be get out, like get out and not be controlled. Because I didn't have a voice for a long time. My voice chakra was not open, it was not utilized. And I would allow others to be I mean, and again, I'm not playing the victim here because I allowed it. And I was open for that point. But I allowed people to play puppet master over me in a sense, because I had no say. But once I started to learn to get into the body and learn, like how much more powerful I was being in body controlling the energy controlling my mind controlling the soul while having a choice. Yeah, I mean, that's the best like, right, having that choice to actually step into my body and be like, no, like, this is not something I want. This is not something I need. I am the master of my own thoughts. I know how to control myself, I know how to self heal, like, like I've said, I've healed my own hips through my through this process, but I didn't know what I was doing at first. I mean, you can't just jump in and say take seven grams of mushrooms and think you're gonna know all be all, was it a beautiful experience? Absolutely. Did I know anything that was going on? No. Like, I was cold in the Himalayan Mountains, meeting with masters and ascended masters and I had to hurry go find a beanie coat socks. And like I went through this like amazing experience. But it was also still like, how what am I missing, I felt like I don't have and, like we've been talking about the body is the key, it's the most important thing, because it's going to speak to you in ways that you need to do. And if you're not listening, if you're not embodied, I mean, that's the cool thing is I want to be embodied, I want to be here on Earth, I chose this vessel, I chose this body. And I want to be able to make sure that I'm in control of it not not the other way around.
Speaker 1 18:39
One that that piece with that you spoke to a little bit earlier with the hollow shell, you know, most people you know, and the whole idea that you're a beacon and there are some unique leaders out in the I want to see marketplace that's funny, in that arena right now who are targeting those that are in desperation, those that are loss. And, you know, that is when we are the most susceptible to wanting to change. And so there is truth in that, like when we hit our lowest points, we have nothing to lose. It's like Screw this, I can't keep doing this the way that I've been doing because I am miserable. And that is a really beautiful space to be in. Because you are willing to let go of those places and spaces within you that created the dynamic that you're currently in that your body, your soul and your mind are saying we can't keep doing this anymore.
Speaker 2 19:28
I mean, case in point right now. I mean, as I stepped out, and I lost all my connections to the world, I started coming back into body, right? And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I need a new job. I need to figure out money aspect. And I kept on applying the same ways the same old ways of how I wanted to get a job. So I'd play seven my resume, LinkedIn, all these different things. And I kept getting no, no, no, I'm like, this is mind blowing to me, because that's not your norm. It's not my norm. I usually would get yeses I would always get in Yes, it was is like something I truly wanted, it would find out in a way into my lap that I would be able to get a yes, somehow some way some something would come. And this is very unique to me, because now that I have stepped out and finally came aligned to my soul's purpose, and now that I'm like, ready to go back into body, every door was shut for me right now lately, and it's putting me in like a different situation procurement, like, what is going on, and it's actually putting me closer to my soul's purpose, be able to know that, like, those doors are shutting for you for a purpose and for a reason. So don't get discouraged. And I think I mean, I just know that right there for you. Because like, it's scary, it's scary putting your trust into this and not doing it the same way that you ever thought, because it's going to be different, you have to be different, you're vibrating at a different frequency at a different frequency, like just being different. It's unique.
Speaker 1 20:55
When I, I spoke to this in my TED Talk, that's not published yet, we'll be published soon. But that place within every single one of us, especially now a day's wake, we're at a place where we are wanting to know, our soul's blueprint, like that original piece within us. That is that part that's just like, trying to tap us on the shoulder has been tapping us on the shoulder saying, hey, there's a different way, there's a different way you're not happy, there's a different way. And we can't pull from an old well to create new waters, we can't pull. And I know this is something that I've been sitting with to have. I mean, there's several different dynamics, but this is one of the pieces you can't pull from old ways of being, if you're asking to create something different. And letting go of the comfortable, the known in the comfortable or the familiar hell is really uncomfortable. It's really challenging. And it feels like death. It feels like something's about to come Chase, you come take you out. And you're toast because
Unknown Speaker 21:49
I just had a dream of
Speaker 1 21:52
I just as I said that, like there's your gorilla. Yeah, and it does it is because our internal wiring and our subconscious mind is wired to keep you safe. And safety is a number one motivator why anybody does anything. The irony is the safety can be rooted in old patterns, old behaviors and in trauma. You know, with clients that I've worked with, if they've had a really traumatic childhood, their safety is rooted in trauma. So if they had peace, and they have happiness, and they have joy, they will go create trauma, because that's actually safer for them more comfortable for them. And not the piece, not the things that they say they want. So we're fascinating creatures, and we are going through layers of shedding. And there are those out there that can and do assist you. Were some of them. That's partly why we're doing this. And I do want to share, I've had a few people reach out to me recently. And I had one in particular just recently and she's like you're sharing this and I'm like, Well of course I am. And I want to talk about my shamanic shamanic lineage because I want to kind of go into Shaman. Well, in any modality that's taught, right, and any religion that has been created man has created it, I don't give a shit who you are, or what inspired you. You have your filters, you have the ways in which you see the world you have your ego, you have all sorts of dynamics and no one person is freaking perfect. Jesus wasn't even perfect. He had to go work through his own shit like the idea that we have demons right
Unknown Speaker 23:27
100%
Speaker 1 23:28
That's a that's a podcast episode for another time. We're gonna pin that one. But again, this kind of goes to you know, hanging your hat on any one thing as the end all be all the end all be all is you the end all be all is you coming more at home to who you are and finding more and more of what your what fills you up what lights you up what brings you joy, what brings you happiness, and we're in a society that's so conditioned to suffering, and so conditioned to the rat race of and even the triangle disempowerment. Here's the victim, the perpetrator, the rescuer, or government is is pinned on that. So is our our court system, like our legal system? It's always where's the victim or the perpetrator? Where's the rescuer? And it's always perpetual suffering.
Speaker 2 24:13
We learn I mean, as humans, we only want to learn through pain. So, Matt, so far, yeah. So as we shift into the new frequency and the new earth, like, I know, there's gonna be learning new ways of joy. But like, could you imagine learning some hard hard experiences through like, like candy and ice cream or something along the lines that like, bring you joy and like, Oh, that was a joyous experience. I have learned something great. Now instead of like, oh my gosh, that was hell. brim fire and brimstone and fire coming down on me. I thought it was dying. But I learned Oh, cool. I don't want to learn from joy but like, we got to get unconditioned in the fact that we don't need to keep learning from pain and I'm one from them. Like I was born in pain. I was lead lived in pain my whole life until recently, like we talked about in the last night. Episode but I want to learn from joy, don't you?
Speaker 1 25:02
Yes. And here's the caveat with that, I don't think and I had a client asked me this, he's like, Do you ever do you think we will ever escape pain? And I do not think we will. Yeah, I think we can get out of the suffering. I think that pain because we have these barometers did we talk about this on the last episode with our, um, like, I've recently talked about this, I'm trying to remember with him, but you have your barometer, if you will, of your lower thresholds or your lower echelons and what's safe for you. And then you'll have your upper echelons. And you'll bounce. And we all do. And we go back and forth from knees. And sometimes we're more in the middle. Yeah. But then when we start hitting the like, okay, we're out, of course, or we're asking to grow and stretch out of that shell, if you will grow into a different aspect of who we are, we will hit on pain points, and they can be enjoy. I've had that experience where I was so blissful, so happy, it actually had pain. And it blew my mind. But I mean,
Speaker 2 26:02
that to me how you were so blissful, and had joy brought pain, it
Speaker 1 26:06
was, it's an goes to what we're talking about with you have your upper thresholds and your lower where your anatomy, your physical somatics, your energetic somatics are familiar with a certain Echelon or certain frequency. And now you're trying to pop the frequency either upper or lower, and just an expansion in general. It is like shaking off a shell shaking off. Okay, I cast if you will, shaking off the mold that you've been in, and you're breaking through a new layer. And it will, can it I mean, feel
Speaker 2 26:43
like almost the same thing as pain, but you're going through the upper threshold. Like, I feel like when I'm always at an upper threshold, it feels like it's low. I feel like I'm like, Oh, it feels almost identity. Yeah. And so then when I finally break through it, I'm like, Oh, my gosh, like that was incredible to sit in the burning. But the burning is so important. I mean, I was in it yesterday. I mean, I was burning deep. And I figured out that I had to sit in it, I couldn't escape, I couldn't do anything that I wanted to do and do the hotbed hobby, our favorite ritual, or meditation, but like, I had to sit and I had to make sure that like I was okay, and I couldn't escape. Because sitting through the burning sitting through the fire, you're actually being molded and you can't be seen sometimes in the energetics, you can't see what physically is happening to you, or on the inside, but you're actually shedding those layers. And I felt like I was shedding and I was becoming new and like stepping into a new whole new paradigm shift for me. But it was painful. And but I afterwards, I was a little bit more chipper and happier, as you could tell after the yoga, the yoga and the writing and the writing. And it helped me a lot. But like a lot of people feel like they have to either do something to get out of the burning or like, have a substance or you need to sit in the burning. And I learned that yesterday. And it was very important for me. Well,
Speaker 1 28:05
we're so used to the quick fix in a society that's like So Pam
Speaker 2 28:08
was like, first you get the package the same day now not two days shipping. It's incredible. Yeah. But also it's like, we want instant gratification. And instead of sitting through and actually like, Okay, what is this teaching me I'm sitting here, it's like Drip, drop by drop the water pot fills, right? But if you see the water and like you just wait, it's gonna take forever. But as you stack those winds over time, slowly and slowly, you're gonna actually see a full water pot. But the day to day you're not going to see the change.
Speaker 1 28:39
Well, you any type of body program that you do, you're looking for weight loss or muscle gain, you have to show up every day, and you have to go push through those pain points within of like, Nope, I'm committed, I'm showing up. I'm stalking the winds. And I'm doing this and when you were asking about happiness being painful, or the joy I was thinking about, when's the last time you laughed so hard at hurt? Or you were smiling so much, you're like, I don't know, I get hurt so much. I can't stop it. I can't stop laughing. It's similar. It's just it's muscles that we haven't used. And so it is stretching in a way that we've not stretched. And we can let go of the suffering. Yes. When we start getting into a place like you were in yesterday of recognizing, okay, I'm in the burning, can I actually just sit and breathe through this and it feels like it's like facing the dark tunnel of like shit I've got to go in to get out. And it's like absolutely every time you have to go in to get out if you start if you keep doing plant medicine, if you keep doing the things that pop you out over and over and over again and you don't actually allow yourself and your body that's more dense to sit in whatever it is to allow for the neural pathways to create to allow for your body to come more in alignment with all the pieces that you're asking to which require some burning off, then you're always going to be in this cockpit A sum never enough, never good enough, never there never, because you don't actually allow for the energies or yourself to sit in it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 30:07
And you just know that on the head is energetics works a lot faster than the dense body. And so if you feel like you're not like working through or you're still in that process your pain or like you have a kink neck or something in your back, and you work that through and energetics and you feel it, go sit with it. Because it's going to take a little bit more time, it's going to be a little bit more dense in the body, you're not going to heal as fast like it's coming around. And that's why like pausing, I mean, I love the book, The Art of contemplation, you're taking that pause, and you're taking that moment to be able to realize, okay, am I going to need more? Or is it just coming in? I already did the work, right? Because like you just said, If you keep doing the work and you keep trying to figure it out more and more and more and more, you're just creating more disaster and more craziness within that you have to fix sometimes
Speaker 1 30:56
well Anna mentality that you believe in lack, yeah, never enough. Never there never whatever, and you have a lack mentality. Yep. See, you will continue to create the lack. And
Speaker 2 31:05
then talking about going back to the main topic of the episode integrity is when you're out of that body, and you're always coming from a place of lack. You're allowing others to be able to come in and say, Hey, this is where I can be able to put some hooks in, put some energetic chords in and do some spell casting, which is just words, people don't understand. That's why it's called a spelling bee mean, words are magic words are spelling. And I've been in that side of things and be like, Whoa, did you just say that? Like, I could feel that? Because I've been more my body. Right? So let's talk a little bit about chords and hugs.
Speaker 1 31:40
Oh, hold on. I'm like, Who do we want to talk? Because this is such a big topic. Because it's like, we have like, Okay, we talked about like the guru aspect that, you know, red flags there. We talked about how the body like the body is massive. And one other point that I would put to this as we're talking about the body and the fact that it is more dense, to allow yourself more compassion with the body. I had an experience with my dad passed away 18 years ago. And my dad was one that he would always he ran a company, he's always busy always traveling. But when he was home, he would often be sitting there like looking at the sunset, like and he was Mormon. And so God had this construct to him have in everything in nature. And he'd be like, Look, he just so in awe, look how he made that. Look how he created that look how. And as a child, I love that I could feel that deep gratitude and love and like, there's just adoration and admiration for just this amazing world that we live in. And after he passed, and this was just a few years ago, he's driving through the canyon of Sedona. And it was with my mother. And my dad, his energy came in was sitting in the backseat. And with my mom, I've had to be a little bit careful with this dynamic. She's been she's still Mormon, I'm very obviously not Mormon. And I was like, I paused. I'm like I said to my Mom, dad's here, do you want me to communicate what he's sharing. And she's like, okay, and she's been hesitant in the past. And we're driving through this beautiful canyon. And it's difficult sometimes when the energetics are when spirit comes in to really fully communicate it. So I'm gonna do the best that I can here again. But I could he was showing me how much he missed having the physical body. Because in spirit form, he could see the same things, but he couldn't feel it. And without feeling that deep connection, like we're driving through this canyon that is just unbelievable. And the energetics and the mightiness of these trees and these canyon walls and the rocks, like there was a lack of depth there that wasn't felt in the Spirit. But in the physical body, I could deeply connect with everything that was around me I could feel the emotions, I could feel the vibration, I could feel the frequency. And so it was such this deep then another layer for me of like this deep awe and admiration a lot of times we want to skip the human experience or bypass the human experience, but we forget that we chose this physical form we chose the physical body to move through to then have the energetic experience through the physical because Jesus I mean sex and orgasm and eating something that's amazing and like the things that we get to experience through the physical body cannot we can't have it through spirit. Exactly. So it's like one of those pieces of work and you have more gratitude more and more love more beauty. Yeah. For the physical vessel that you're in.
Speaker 2 34:39
I mean, I have made it a point and whenever the sun is out, my eyes are going to be straight glued to it. Because it gives me life it gives me a
Speaker 1 34:49
caveat don't stares directly at the Sun. Don't Don't do that. I'm
Speaker 2 34:53
not promoting that I'm not promoting blindness, but I do that. But it's it was it's important for me and I shall grow attitude for that, because it actually gives me more strength more photons more light more Yeah. And also being around nature and more gratitude towards what, what we've created around us for us and energetics. And I had to be more grateful towards my body, I had to I set a goal to be able to sit full lotus, as a yoga practice, because I started yoga on April 11, of this year, and last year of last last year. And I, I've had three hip replacements, I shouldn't be able to ever sit full lotus. And I mean, just this morning, I showed you that I was full lotus, forgive me, but like throughout the last like couple months, I'd get very angry or discouraged. I'm like, How come? I'm not further ahead? How come I'm not. But I also need to look back, like, I could barely lift my leg over my ankle, or I barely put a sock on my left leg because I was that much pain, and that much stiffness. And look how far I've come because I have shown up and I have gratitude, and I have given myself leniency and giving myself self love and softness and be like, Hey, you are okay, like you are showing up for yourself. Actually, like, look, go look back and honor what you've given yourself, show gratitude to yourself. Because the more gratitude that you give yourself, the more is going to come in and you're going to be more grateful. And then it's more abundance is going to come that way. Because you're coming from a place of gratitude, not wanting you know what I mean? And at four first, like I want, I want I want full lotus, I want full lotus, but then it's just like, I'm grateful for where I'm at. And if Honestly, if I never sat full lotus, I'm grateful for getting out of pain, right? Chronic pain was my biggest thing that I've lived with. And I'm not in pain anymore at all. Like it's a miracle. And so I'm like, I have to be grateful for what I have. And more will come if it needs to. And if it's not, I'm grateful where they have where I'm at
Speaker 1 36:51
well, and then that goes into more the abundance like seeing what you have seen where you're at, see having gratitude for the spaces that you're in, and not always looking into where you're not. And that is another piece that is huge that we were so quick to Okay, now I have this Okay, what's next? No, I have this. What's next. And there's beauty in that because it's like, we do want to keep growing and striving and being better versions of us. But that, that art and practice of gratitude is huge. and
Speaker 2 37:19
smell the roses. Yeah. Are you enjoying the journey? Or are you going to only be happy when or if you get this, then I will be happy. You're putting those phrases together? It's it's truly finding happiness in the journey. Yeah. And it's being excited for every moment for where you're at. And being able to know like, Hey, I have so much gratitude for this because I I'm just joyful. And the sun's out, or the birds are singing or what, like the smell of roses are in there. It's like, you can find joy in anything. And it's just a mindset, it's a shift in the in the mind.
Speaker 1 37:57
Well, and you I hope you don't mind me saying that. Like this last year has been really hard. And I feel like as I mean, I've known you and I you know, it's been pretty short period of time for the little that I've known you. It's been pretty impressive with how happy genuine genuine Jen are Rowley oh my gosh, that you are. And a big part of it is because you have really taken this to heart of practicing gratitude. And that does bring I've been very impressed. There's not very many people that can do that, especially with the year that you've had, and still be happy and still be you know, finding joy and feeling love and wanting to give love and wanting to continue to be a better person. A lot of people just want to shut off and tell the world to fuck off.
Speaker 2 38:43
Yeah. I mean, I, I don't know, I just I feel so much gratitude for what I truly have. So I'm, I say my, my gratitudes in the morning, and then at night as well. And I end in start my day with gratitudes. Because there's so much to be thankful for. There's so much if you pause and like thankful for the car that I drive, thank you for that house that is on that's covering my head, thank you for the clothes that are on my back. I mean, I have learned that you don't need much in this life. And I mean, there is a lot of things that people attach their self worth to. And I've learned that the simplicity of life is so much more beautiful than the hustle and bustle and the want of everything. And I'm grateful for that I was grateful to be able to slow down and be able to have these moments and be able to say, Man, I'm really grateful for just the smallest thing in life. I'm grateful for someone to say hi to I'm so grateful to do yoga. Hello. And so it's like I'm just grateful and I think it's given me less room to be anxious, less room to be worried. I mean, have there been stressful moments? Absolutely. And that's okay. But I am not that stressful moment. And so it's like stress is happening to me but I am not stressed Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 40:00
Oh, it makes perfect sense. And it's beautiful. I am not that stressful moment, I am not that thing is meant
Speaker 2 40:06
to be light, we're meant to be joy, happiness and all these beautiful things. And so why attach yourself to that thought or negative feeling of low vibration, instead of just change it and optimize it, see that thought through and let it go.
Speaker 1 40:19
Let it move through, it's just energy in motion that is moving through. And back to what you were asking about with the hooks and the cords, they feel like, I want to share this part because it's a really good illustration because some of these things are difficult to communicate, and which is frankly, why we have a lot of the experience is through the somatic through the feeling body. And that's why it's so important to know the physical body so that when you're like what is that this doesn't feel quite right, and you know yourself well enough to pay attention. So it's like if you don't know your body or you don't know yourself well enough, then you are going to allow for all sorts of individuals, all sorts of people, healers, gurus, whatever, to come in and manipulate you, your system, your emotions, your mind. And when I was, and I want to be very careful when I share this story, but I do feel like it's important to share. I became a shamanic practitioner back in 2015. I know well, I'm running a clothing business, okay. And I shared the story a few times. So it's like sometimes, like, how do I share it shorter? I'm running a clothing business. I leave religion in 2012 I leave my marriage to my kids dad like I do. That was what was a big year. For me. It was a big year for a lot of people. And as I'm going through this internal search of like, I know there's something else what else is possible shamanism lands in my lap. I go through the medicine Well, it's a year long process in Sandpoint, Idaho. And it was the most transformative work I'd ever done. Because I was doing my internal work. And that is one of the biggest things like when we do the internal work, your external reality shifts, just plain and simple. And it was beautiful. It was fascinating. And then I feel called to become a practitioner. I'm like, What the hell like I'm running a clothing business like I'm going to be a shaman running, you know, mod BOD, which started out as a Christian clothing business and then morphed as I was morphing. Yeah. Like this doesn't make sense. And I had learned in
Unknown Speaker 42:16
shamanic clothing. Interesting.
Speaker 1 42:19
And I had learned enough about myself and my inner compass that when to get an answer, especially when they came through like this, you don't fuck around with that, like you listen, and it was the same thing when I left religion. Same thing with my marriage, like No, you listen. Yeah. So I listened. And so I dove in and I ended up studying for about three years I finished my training with a friend of mine, who is a beautiful human being and had trained with the four winds for winds is for anybody who knows anything about shamanism. There's two main lineages if you will, are two main sects with sexi s EC Ts. You're yawning. Am I boring you?
Speaker 2 42:59
Are you moving? Moving energy.
Speaker 1 43:03
But this was really important to share, because so many people are searching and looking for training of like, where to go, where to go, where to go. And there's so many different vehicles out there in my experience, and I went and learned through Alberto's lineage, Alberto voluto, for anybody who knows who that is, who started the four winds. And he's got some interesting background with him that I learned later on. And the teacher that I learned shamanism from, who's a beautiful human being and a really beautiful teacher. We had some points where we clashed and part of it because we were going to do some business together. But there was something was off and we actually kept trying to walk through it trying to figure out what it was she couldn't figure it out either. And, and I finished my training with her and I really wanted to close the door, like, Okay, I need to be done, I need to be done with my practitioner training. We closed the door, her and I have a conversation and great, close the door. Um, and I again, I want to be really careful how I communicate this. I'm gonna leave some parts of the story out. What I would do want to share, however, is as I was in my deep kind of internal searching with my medicine and how I'm holding it, I was shown one day, shamans carry a mesa which has Koreas in it that are like our medicine. Their stones that we do deep work with and the Kuya is hold the energy and they hold medicine, they hold magic, they hold all sorts of things. So a true shaman has a mesa anyone who calls themselves a shaman that doesn't have a mesa is not an actual Shaman. Yeah, that's good. I like that. There's a lot of people who call themselves a shaman after going to a weekend thing and all of a sudden they got rights or whatever that
Unknown Speaker 44:47
cattle branded and they're
Speaker 1 44:51
so freakin hilarious. From was that Tiktok are real. We are watching that as you know there's some of those funny videos out there. Don't make fun of the spiritual wellness which is good is so good anyhow in my Mesa like I had done such deep personal work like oh my gosh talk about pulling up the weeds like you are looking at your deepest parts of you and literal like I at one point I thought I had cancer while I'm going through this at one point like I am throwing up like you end up going into like the deepest trenches of your body like it was painful my experience in the wet medicine Well I'm really beautiful. And I you get your lineage through shamanism is an oral tradition it is learned through like it's passed down orally so tell me how many people are going to hear it different use their perception of their filters and you know, take whatever they've learned and Alberto was one of them right? He took whatever he learned when regurgitated it and created this now lineage, the Chanela Yes, teachers and people that are all go doing it. Mormonism another great example. Here's somebody who heard something goes to create something. And now it's been, you know, like the game telephone scriptures, totally interpreted by whoever's interpreting it and taking that word to mean this in English or Spanish or French, you know, and so it comes back down again to Kay you are your internal guru of does this feel true? Or does it not feel true? Exactly. So in shamanism, you get your lineage stone. And you have this whole ceremony that you go through and you get the the lineage that you're in. Mine came through the caros, of Peru, and that was how my lineage came through. And I had two different lineage stones. And this was like very significant to me that I had this and one day, I'm in a meditation asking some deep questions. And I am told by spirit, my higher knowing, go give your lineage stones to the river, and I live by American Fork Canyon, and I'm like, Are you kidding me? Like, not just like, it had been a couple of years that I had these. So again, I trust so I go up the canyon, and I sit by that riverbed and I'm like, Alright, I'm still not sure. And so I grabbed my lineage stones, and I hold it and shamans can track energy. So I'm like, show me the energy through the show me the lineage. And I was shown through both stones that I had that the lineage was tainted, and it was the same patriarchal hierarchical system. Of I'm better you're less than of it was muddied the water was muddied. And I'm like, Well, shit. Yeah, I do not want this lineage of stone. So I threw him into the river. And then I was guided to grab a stone that was by the river and clay, my own lineage. Awesome. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable that felt. There was grieving that happened. But then there was this huge piece of and I get to claim me, yeah, that has nothing to do with anybody else that goes with whatever my medicine feels like, it gets to come through me. And I'm so grateful I had the base to go learn the fundamentals. And then from that place, go and, and create, it's awesome. And I share that partly in when you're talking about hooks and things that people can do. at the fundamental level, everybody's doing the best they can with what they have. And some people believe they're doing good even though it's in shadow. Yeah. Right. Yep. And that is where it is up to you. To me up to anybody to go, okay. Does this Phil like a right or not? Like, does this cool, good or not good? Yeah. As I feel like, I'm codependent on someone. That would be a hook. Yeah. And there's ways in which you can check in to see do you have hooks? How do you notice when you have a hook? And I feel like I was just that was a long story.
Speaker 2 48:50
No, I mean, my body tells me I mean, pain, twitches, it tightens, it gives me daggers, there's a soreness, there is energy that goes through me that like I don't like and vibrate through me or I will move in a different way. In my body, I mean, the book out there that you guys should all read as the Body Keeps the Score, because it truly does. And if you're listening, and so it's like, my left shoulder is my neck. And then I'm like, Amanda, where's that book? I need to know what's happening on
Speaker 1 49:25
the left side. We'll have her on the podcast. I know the author of that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 49:29
And, but it's truly I mean, I feel like there's hooks and then as I touch that body part, emotions and thoughts come up of an individual in that same moment. I'm like, Huh? Why? That's very interesting. And so then I want to be able to release that and be able to move that out and move that energy or energetic hooks. And so either I cut cords and connections in that spot and I try to move the energy or you have to go a little bit deeper and figure out what but my body tells me exactly where those hooks are and where those chords have been put in and why I was able to be open in that spot in that place. You know what I mean? That's what we got to be understanding is like, no one's doing it subcon I mean, maybe subconsciously are or you're open to it. But there are I mean, words are hugs, right spelling, I mean, being codependent. And all this or negative energy dumps, people that are just speaking negatively, and just having those emotions. And, I mean, there's a lot of different different ways to be able to have hooks and chords. So
Speaker 1 50:33
the difference between a hook and a chord is this a chords, we have accidental fibers that are part of our energetics that go out and connect with anybody. So like you and I, just having this conversation, we have XML fibers that are meeting together, when you have so every day and conversation, you will have these different chords that you're connecting with people. This is why when I start working with clients, especially those that are more sensitive, every night before you go to bed, and each morning, before you get out of bed, Colin all of your energy known and unknown, it can be as simple as that. And you often do cutting any and all cords that are not in my best and highest good known and unknown. Yeah, right, just trusting because the chords are part of the axial fibers. And chords, I'm gonna elaborate just a little bit chords like with our loved ones, with our children, with our partners, with parents with siblings, you can have chords, have you ever had that feeling with a parent that they're still holding you when you were 12, or 15, or 20. Or we do that with our children, like we're treating them like they're 12, when they're now 20. It's those old cords that are asking to be cut, and cutting cords to our loved ones on a fairly regular basis. Like once a year or more than that or a little bit, you know, every couple of years is actually really healthy. Because you're letting go of the old way in which you were connected. And you're asking for a new connection to come in instead. And you can easily do it. Just imagine, you know, and I maybe I'll put something down in the comments below, I've written a few different pieces with how to do cord cutting. Like I have it in my leaving religion book, which is funny. But hooks hooks are different. hooks are a little bit harder to clear, because hooks, the reason why there's hooked in you is because there was a part of you that was available to it. Yeah. So I attracted some abusive relationships. And I could not I'm like, why that crap? Am I attracting abusive relationships. And what I figured out is my internal dialogue was very abusive, I was abusing myself. And so there was an availability, there's an attraction there to where it was like, okay, match match. Now there's a hook. Now it's actually serving me and it's validating the beliefs that I have about myself because my external world is validating that thing internally, when my last partner had an affair, and she didn't was doing these things. Yeah, that was shitty that happened. But then I had to sit in and go, Where did where did I attract that? Where was my role in this? Where Am I cheating? Where am I lying? Where am I being deceptive? And those are freaking hard questions to sit with. Yeah. But I wouldn't have attracted that and I wouldn't have created that dynamic or that hook. If I wasn't available, I won't I wouldn't attract lower vibrational individuals who are trying to hook me into whatever their agenda is. If I wasn't looking for a leader, because I felt like it was a sheath. Yeah.
Speaker 2 53:27
I love that. I mean, that's a great explanation. I mean, I think it's what we're putting ourselves on the inside and attracting on the outside and I think you just know that like you wouldn't be attracting those things if you were having self abuse or self harm in your own head, right. And that's the thing that was me. It's like I wasn't using my voice and I was allowing others to dictate for me and on the inside. I'm like, Okay, I'm not gonna speak and then I allowed others to be able to dictate my life and be able to have those hooks I mean, did it benefit me? Yeah, because they could be able to Jesus take the wheel or move it for me but then I started learning having a voice and then as I started speaking, those hooks those pains were started like hurting. I'm like, why am I because I'm starting to speak and get rid of those that lower frequency and step into a higher frequency. So I think you nailed that one for sure. Well,
Speaker 1 54:16
and sometimes like talking about this, and you you and I have recently talked about this sometimes it's easier to be a frequent follower sometimes it's easier to stay more asleep because when you it's easier to play the victim it's easier to be what was me it's easier to be the one that complains versus the one that's now no I'm fucking driving. Yeah, and then I got to take total accountability for everything that got me to where I'm at right now. I have to take total accountability that I'm the reason why I'm here right now and present. And that is not an easy job.
Speaker 2 54:47
And it's easier to sleep and it's easier to told what to do what to eat, what to be able to have and be able to stay that asleep but then I mean, we're talking about the matrix. I mean, look at when you actually wake up from that matrix. Look at Neo, he had to go through the Blind, the sloth, all that stuff and wash himself off and be able to like, wow, I am a whole different person. But it is painful. And it's hard. I mean, going through those spiritual awakening, I mean, it's, it's hard, it's depressing. It's feels like you're alone at times, it feels like your whole world is crumbled before you. You have low energy, you are sad, you're like confused. You don't know up from down. But the cool thing is, is getting past those points, and be able to get into the joy into the expansion. It's like getting onto the other side of that fire is like, I did it, I made it I did through the hard. And I love accomplishing hard things like I don't want anything easy, because I mean, diamonds are made of hardness, right? The coal being pressed harder and harder and harder. I don't want to be just a gem, I want to be a diamond. And so I chose hard experiences. And I can't blame anybody else or anybody or anything. Because I chose this life, I chose my experiences, I have to step up and take accountability for what I have done. Not put anybody blame on where their experiences that were a little bit more hard and challenging. Yeah. But I still chose into it. And I took that accountability, but I want to be able to make sure I am a diamond at the diamond like mentality, just be able to have that Christ Consciousness code put forth in front of me. so
Speaker 1 56:23
beautifully said thank you. We're almost at an hour. So I wonder if we should wrap it up?
Unknown Speaker 56:31
Good. Fun.
Speaker 1 56:33
Yeah, I think those are those are probably the three biggest pieces to look at or to ask yourself, and I think the my last one, and we touched on it at the very beginning, is and we're touching on it here at the end. If I were to do my Number four thing, it would say how honest Are you being? How honest Are you being with yourself? How honest Are you being with everyone else? And in that? Are you actually keeping your word to yourself? The things that you say externally? Do you really mean it? Are you just full of shit? Are you slightly full of shit, but there's still a little bit of a knot total and alignment? Are
Speaker 2 57:09
you being conscious with your choices and decisions?
Speaker 1 57:12
Are you 100%? Yes. Are you saying yes. When you're 100%? Yes. Are you saying? Yes. When you really mean a No,
Speaker 2 57:18
exactly. And so that's actually what we talked about driving to Springdale, boundaries for yourself. Are you setting those? Are you showing up? Are you doing things that you say? Or are you just showing up and being a sheep? And what other people want you to do?
Speaker 1 57:33
Yeah, well, this was something that in the women's group that I run in the men's group that's going to start here in a few months. It is a piece that we go into in the coaching and in these these few months that we spend together that are freaking amazing. And the metamorphosis that happens. We go through so many different pieces, but that boundary piece was self is one of the hardest pieces, and we're diving into a shit ton. But that boundary piece gets people every time this boundary with self. Yeah, it's not boundaries with others. It's the boundary with self. That's like the Holy shit. Yeah. Are you This one's hard. Exactly.
Speaker 2 58:09
And I think that's been the big hardest one for me too, is setting that boundary. Because I'm like, I'm a nice guy, but like when you're actually trying to be nice. You're not doing anybody a favor. Not setting boundaries. Yeah.
Speaker 1 58:20
Well, and then you're creating covert contracts. I mean, that's a whole other conversation. So many covers. Anyway, awesome. That was fun. That was so good. Thank you.
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